What do you want to do?

window with books

Hi, my name is Tessa and I don’t know what I want to do with my life.

I’ve been in a lot of situations recently where I’ve been meeting new people. This is somewhat massively out of my comfort zone, I’m not a people person, I’m not good at small talk and I don’t like talking about myself most of the time. One of the things that I find so uncomfortable about these initial interactions is that people always ask what I do and what I want to do, what’s next for me? The answer to all of these being I don’t have a clue. I’m quite okay with the fact that I don’t know what I want to do in life, I’m not on a mission to find myself and my place in this world, I’m pretty content right now with being in limbo and floating to and fro. Other people are not okay with this. There’s this look that they give, followed by more questioning of my likes and dislikes as if they think they can figure me out right then and there.

It’s not that I have no interests, it’s always been that I have too many interests. There are so many paths that could be chosen that I’m not in too much of a hurry to just settle on one.

I don’t believe people ever truly know what they want to do. Those people that have wanted to have the job they have since they were little just haven’t thought about all their options (or they have but are too afraid to stray from their plan). I don’t think it’s possible for a person to have a single interest and passion, there’s always something more, humans are more complex than that. But I suppose a lot of people have one thing they like/want to do the most.

I think it’s completely ridiculous that we are expected to have figured ourselves out by the age of 14 when we are first forced into choosing which path we want to take our education. And how the adults around us can hold so much influence over this. The amount of times I’ve heard people’s parents say they can’t do something because they won’t be able to get a job in that field is ridiculous. I’m very grateful that my parents have always been supportive of me choosing a creative education over an academic one and that I’ve never been pressured into getting a job or choosing a career just because that’s what you’re ‘supposed to do’. 

I wrote this post over a year ago because I just wanted to rant but it’s still relevant and with it being the new year I felt it was an appropriate time to post it. This year I haven’t made any resolutions or any goals. I do have a plan, and I did when I wrote the above but it still hasn’t come to fruition. I’ve spent the best part of a year trying to make this plan work and still no luck. I’m hoping that will change very soon but honestly, I’m not worrying about it. I’m a fairly firm believer that everything happens for a reason, or at least most things. 

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